Friday, July 2, 2010

Beware: whining ahead!

Remember that very happy, peppy post from a few days ago where I laughed and shared about my weight loss?
Yea. So I wrote that and then slipped into bed. And as I tried to sleep my nerve/back pain started to spike. I thought I'd just sleep it off, but couldn't. Those of you who've had labor pains know all about the kind of pain you can sleep thru and the kind you can't. Mine got to be the latter; close to unbearable.
The pain has somewhat subsided, but we still had to cancel our trip to see my sister to celebrate The 4th this weekend (two plane tix for me included).

I feel like it has been this way for SO LONG now. I say I'm going to do something, be somewhere, people are counting on it, and then I have to cancel at the last minute. Everyone says they understand and all that, and I'm sure that's true. But it's still a disappointment on both ends.
Sometimes it's so hard to comprehend.
If someone where to ask me what I want most out of life my answer would be this:
To be living and serving freely in the fullness of all God created me to be.
So here's the question I wonder.
Wouldn't I be more fully alive and useful, more dedicated and involved, using my gifts and talents for Him if I didn't have pain and constant weak back issues? If I wasn't having to always univite myself to events? Or leave half way thru? Having to stay holed up at home with people serving ME, when one of the greatest commandments is for me to serve OTHERS?
Then there's this other issue. An issue there is no way around, but that absolutely brings out the worst in me. And it's primarily because of my physical condition I have to deal with it at all. Day after day, I'm faced with it....and personality flaws I long since thought I'd conquered are brought front and center again. I won't go into detail but it wears me out, tears me down and it's just one more thing that makes me ask....really, Lord?
Can you tell I've had a rough weekend? And the rain yesterday didn't help things at all.
(I warned you to be prepared for whining, knew what you were getting into! ;)
Things really weren't a total wash this weekend. I mean, even though it was rainy I got to go to the movies, hang with my little family, watch Anne of Green Gables (while Andrew watched Green Zone ;0)
...and I still lost 4.4 pounds, right?!
So onward and upward to a better week this week!
*I need it* ;0)

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