Saturday, June 26, 2010

A song for my soul

I'm not going to lie. It's been a rough week or so.
My back pain has been off the charts.
And I have a pivitol doctor's appointment coming up on Tuesday. Just seeing it on the calendar has given me sores in my mouth for a month. Sorry if that's a little too much information! But I know I'm really feeling the heat when that happens. Some people break out in hives, I do the former. Oy with the poodles already. (A little Gilmore Girls reference for ya ;)
ANY-way. This song has been a sweet encouragement. I've listened to it over and over and it hits me right where I'm at.

God bless and have a good weekend.....

Thursday, June 24, 2010

Between you, me and the blog...

I admit things on here that I don't talk about too much in real life. There aren't many people that are "in on" the fact that I blog, so it's a nice buffer between my emotions and the real world.
But I'm also the kind of person who just has to get stuff out, and then I feel better. So the blog's been a terrific place to put my rants, raves and private thoughts.
So since you're here, lean in closer....I'm going to tell you a little secret.

*I joined Weight Watchers yesterday.*

OK.....go ahead and giggle!
or scrunch your face and say "huh?"
I know the name conjures up images of the old ladies at Curves discussing their POINTS, and no--I don't have an eating disorder where I think I'm heavier than I actually am.
Here's the deal--
Over the past two years, I've gained 20 pounds.
Two failed surgeries, the subsequent recoveries, bouts of despair, loads of meds, and living in pain will do that to you.
I've been able to lose 7 lbs. of it since last October by just starting to watch what I eat and weighing myself. But I've been at a stand still now for about 5 months. The same number keeps showing up on the scale over and over again (and lets just say it's higher than I'd like). I'll lose some of it and then, family'll come into town, or we go on vacation......
and there's that number again.
My great nemesis in this process is not being able to work out.
And I'm used to being active. I've always had a gym membership and was faithful for years at doing core PT exercises. Not to mention the sense of freedom and purpose exercising gave me. I actually enjoyed it (most of the time!)
But since this last surgery I can barely walk thru the mall, let alone on a treadmill.
So I've started feeling sorry for myself.
About the fact that I don't have control over anything anymore. I've indulged in self pity that other people don't know how easy they have it. Or bemoaned the fact that I can't even burn the calories it takes a normal person to unload the dishwasher or do the laundry. Thinking, oh if I could just work-out.....and knowing I can't. Crying that everything in my future is up in the air, and feeling like the fact that my clothes don't fit any more is just physical evidence that my back problems really are stealing away important parts of what makes me me. Feeling that all the pain is indeed winning.
I've been praying about it.
And I've just gotten more frustrated.
I didn't know what to do--so I'd just have another piece of pizza (Greeeeat...)
Then something brought to mind the big double W.
And ya know what?
When I walked thru those doors yesterday, I finally felt a little bit of Spirit-breathed control. Like for once I was the one holding the cards my back problems have dealt me, not the other way around. God had provided a tool to help me, even though it wasn't the perfect "able to work out tool" I had desired.
So I'm thankful.
I know it won't be easy. I am aware that just going to my first meeting (so weird I'm talking about Weight Watcher "meetings," isn't that something just Mom's do?) didn't make 5 pounds drop off. But the accountability and focus is going to be good. It actually felt a little like it used to feel when I walked into the gym. A sense of purpose, healthy goals, and the tools to get the job done.
We'll see how it goes! I'm sure I'll keep you posted.
Talk to me in a month when I'm dying for an Outback Steak and a bloomin' onion!

Tuesday, June 15, 2010

Our own talk bubble someday

Just got done putting together the invitation to my parents 40th Anniversary:I really like the way it turned out. Fits the party's groovy theme perfectly.
Looking thru all my parent's old pictures I couldn't help but wonder......
What in the world will Andrew and I say 31 years from now about how we looked during our first year of marriage?
Not TOO bad YET...
but what with Andrew's spiky hair and three-piece suit, and my growing-out "Rachel" 'd0 and leapord print...
I can see it comin!

Tuesday, June 1, 2010

pardon the brag....

...but I'm just going to do it anyway :0)

Do you remember in school how awesome it felt when you had worked really hard on a project and then the teacher used YOURS as an example of how everyone else should be doing theirs? Or when you saw that great big "A+" on a paper and you know you deserved it?

Sweet validation!

Well, I can't help but feel a little bit of that healthy pride this morning--

'cause I just got a great reaction from the teacher of my photography class on my latest entry.

And it sweetens the pot that I shot this picture on MANUAL!! The mode I've been intimidated by because it looked so complicated. Well, I am now officially in love with it, and am determined to practice, practice, practice til I get it right.

Sidebar: I've learned that taking good pictures with a DSLR is kind of like playing an instrument. A teacher can show you the ropes, but it takes determination and practice on your own to really become a maestro.

So, Ansel Adams I am not, but here's my photo none-the-less, and the teacher's critique:

"Very cool shot Kristen. Awesome! Great background - the book shelves really add texture and help tell a story here. They are soft enough that they aren't distracting in any way.

The mood of the shot is very dramatic-love that! The composition, exposure, closeness, etc. is all dead on. You nailed it!!!

Way to go girl! Keep up the incredible work. I love the artistic look about this.

Thank you for being in the class and participating all four weeks. Please let me know should you need anything in the future. Blessings, Angie"

Yup. Even at 32 years of age (and that would be 32, as of today--my b-day), that kind of confirmation still feels fantastic!