Thursday, August 27, 2009

The waiting room

Who really likes a waiting room? They're place of anxiousness; cold and uncomfortable. But the worst part about them is they are made for waiting. "Sign in and take a seat," and wait. And waiting can play with your mind. I've been in many waiting rooms this past year. Sitting anxiously, trying to keep my mind steady, and desperately hoping there will be answers when my name is finally called.
My own life has become a proverbial waiting room during this hard year of back pain and surgeries. I am waiting....waiting for answers. Trying to trust that the pain will go away. Waiting....for God to tell me why. Watching others and their "normal" lives pass by. get my life back again. The waiting room I am in has taken its toll. I am tired and weary. But there is nothing else to do, I have to keep on.
I do have a flickering hope. I am a child of God. I know this. He has proven Himself many times to me. There are blessings in my life I know can only be from His hand. But the mournful day in and day out of waiting has worn on my faith. I do trust Him, but I am so tired. Recently, He doesn't seem to be near and He certainly isn't answering my questions. But my only hope is in Him and in His promises. So I must try even harder to trust the things I cannot see.
So as I sit in this tedious room, I resight the promise that "They that wait on the Lord will renew their strength. They will mount up on wings as eagles. They will run and not be weary. They will walk and not be faint."
I want this to be true in my life, and I will trust that God sees me as I wait. I will trust He knows how hard it is. I will trust He is here regardless of how I feel. Waiting is a major part of His plan for me. Why? He hasn't told me yet. So I'll continue to be in the waiting room.

Anybody see a Readers Digest or something for me to read in here, at least? *sigh*

Sunday, August 23, 2009

The need to write

I am starting a blog because I need space to think. My life has taken a turn this year that I never anticipated and it's so hard to wrap my mind around the struggle. I hope writing will help me sort some things out and at the very least, allow me to put structure to the emotions and thoughts that swirl thru my head. I've started countless and journals thru the years and always come to the conculsion that I'm just not a journaling type of person. It takes too much patience! And I'm not a great writer. But this is different. I live in a small life right now; my world confined to being in bed (and certianly indoors) most of the day. So, being on the computer is like a lifeline and writing about what I am learning and experiencing will be a fun and rewarding outlet. Something I can do from my bed. So, if you're reading this, welcome to my journey. Thanks for coming along.