tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-10413755791749747432024-03-13T05:28:26.809-07:00Kristen JoyA space for me to think, share, and listenKristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.comBlogger113125tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-77353445605020450382013-12-16T13:56:00.003-08:002013-12-16T14:03:15.785-08:00Memorizing Psalm 34I joined up with <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2012/01/beth-moore-siesta-celebration-or-whew-i.html" target="_blank">Beth Moore's Scripture Memory Team</a> again this year and I loved it (again). I just completed working on all of Psalm 34. I chose it because of all the times God speaks of rescuing us.<br />
And as I worked on the verses, I was particularly struck by this one too: "I will boast <i>only</i> in the Lord. Let all who are discouraged take heart." Wow. I've found that to be so true. God sees to it....often!...that I'm at the end of myself, so I can only boast in what He does thru me. That's not the easiest way to live, but it is the best way.<br />
I am really <i>appreciating</i> memorizing from Psalms. There is so much truth, beauty and comfort found there. I quote Psalm 139, which I memorized with this team two years ago (that video is <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2011/10/david-is-my-homeboy.html" target="_blank">here</a>), all the time--especially when I'm trying to fall asleep. I quite honestly expected memorizing to be a chore, but it's grown into an unbelievable blessing in my life. I wrote a bit about that journey in my most recent article in <i>Heart</i> Magazine (and included my memorization techniques as well<i>.) </i> If you'd like to read that you can find it on page 15-17 at this link: <a href="http://heartmagazineonline.com/?page_id=2">http://heartmagazineonline.com/?page_id=2</a><br />
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Alright, on with the show! Psalm 34:<br />
<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="//www.youtube.com/embed/d7y9cP8qNZE" width="560"></iframe>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-44914347778184937332013-09-26T09:53:00.003-07:002013-09-26T13:27:14.774-07:00"About Me" TabsWell, I'm feeling rather fancy pants today because I just added two "About Me" type pages to the top of this blog, just like the real bloggers do! It's about time, really. God's done some fun things for me since I first started writing here and I wanted to reflect a bit of that in this story. Did He heal me and take the pain away? No. Am I still constantly bumping into disappointment and things I can't do? Yes. But He's been faithful to me too, and I finally can see that clearly. He's slowed me down and changed my perspectives and dreamed up joys I never would have thought of for myself. Things that wouldn't have come without desperate prayer, and having my life turned upside down. <br />
I talk in more detail about it there, so just click the tabs up top to read more. Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-80650924972406426402013-08-14T09:32:00.000-07:002013-09-26T09:06:29.203-07:00My Baby's 1st Day of School (Or, Mommy's Neutrotic)Today was a big day for me. Huge, actually. I never thought I'd be one of those moms all upset over dropping their child off for the first day of Kindergarten, but there I lay in bed this morning with tears running down my cheeks and feeling a pit in my stomach.<br />
<br />
It's a funny thing, parenting. It's quite taken me off guard. I don't think I'll ever be one of those parents whose lives' are consumed by their children and it's all. they. can. talk. about. But yet...raising my little girl has definitely shifted something deep in my heart and being her mom makes me more happy than I ever dreamed I could be. It's given me a special, wondrous kind of fulfillment. All the clichés about parenting are true, people. It's a glorious gift.<br />
<br />
Even though SaraRose was in Preschool a last year, there was something different about her starting Kindergarten today. It's a milestone. It signifies a growth happening in her, an independence of spirit that I know will only keep her moving forward...and farther away from me. And that makes this mama's heart really sad. Like every other mother in the history of mothers, I don't want my baby to grow up. I want her to always need me, because--let's face it--I <em>like </em>being needed<em>. </em>Many<em> </em>times as a parent, the level that your kids need you is <em>exhausting</em>. And for me, with my back pain, it was almost crippling sometimes; I couldn't always meet the demands. But yet, I didn't realize how much being crazy vital like that in a sweet little person's life is actually <em>hugely</em> <em>fulfilling</em> as well. And I just don't want to let go of it; I want to continue being a stay-at-home-mom. I don't want to think about doing "real world" work anymore. I just want to be home and with my kid and have her asking me for a snack and if I'll play with her and if I can help her get her shoes on. It's a comfortable, sweet, fulfilling (if at times tiring!) role and I just might hang onto it forever if I could.<br />
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It is also in times like these that my struggles with having an only child rear their ugly head. I sit around marinating in the lie that if I just had another child to care for, I'd be fine right now. I wouldn't be hurting, I wouldn't be so sad. I start telling myself that God's being unfair. That He has asked too much of me in recent years, and that taking away my ability to have another child is just plain mean and hateful. How can I trust Someone like that? It's all His fault I'm sad right now! (As you can see, my mind [and who are we kidding, probably Satan] really milks this thing.)<br />
<br />
I said to my husband this weekend that if someone set the perfect Home School curriculum in my lap I would 100 percent do that instead. But I know that decision would have had little to do with actual Home Schooling and everything to do with me just trying to stop time, me trying hold onto SaraRose, me hoping to keep my eye on her every move and her every choice and every person she encounters. It'd be about <em>ME, essentially</em>. And control. And call me crazy, but I'm not sure those the healthiest reasons Home School. Shoot.<br />
<br />
Here's the other interesting part of this story: it's very clear that God has led us to put SaraRose at Keswick. It's a special place-- cozy and sweet, and is the school from which I graduated. It was special then too; I know first-hand the benefits of attending there--I was more than prepared for college academically and it played a pivotal role in my walk with the Lord. It gave me precious mentors and amazing friends that I still have to this day. In fact, God even went to some pretty drastic measures when I was in high school (I studied at another place for several years only to quickly realize that not all Christians schools are created like Keswick, and <em>LONGED</em> to go back) to prove to me how set apart KCS really is. <br />
I always wanted my children to be able to attend there someday, but alas, when time drew closer, we didn't have the money. But last year, in an surprising act of God--that can only be described as the single most significant miracle I've ever seen with my eyes--He provided Andrew a job to work there (which included free tuition). It's a job he <em>loves</em> and thrives in and it delivered him from a job he didn't enjoy. Not to mention that his office is literally steps away from SaraRose's classroom door--AND, the very room she's in this year is the same classroom I had as a 5 year old Kindergartener (I mean, really.). And it's a just a fact (a fact I don't <em>love</em>, but still a fact) that having her in school all day really helps with my pain levels. I can rest and be way more refreshed and ready to go when she comes home. I could keep going on with this stuff but you can see where I'm going here...This is one of the few times in my life that God has really gone out of His way to assure me that HE'S GOT THIS, HE LOVES ME, HE IS TAKING CARE OF EVERYTHING and THIS IS WHERE WE SHOULD BE.<br />
<br />
And yet, even with all of that, I still struggle. I'm so sorry God has to deal with me and my unbelief sometimes. The Old Testament Israelites and I would get along really well. Much like their doubting and complaining, I could win an Olympic gold medal in worry and questioning whether God really knows what's best for me. Sigh.<br />
<br />
I want to be able to trust. I want to be able to have faith. I want to be one of those good, strong parents who prayerfully, but appropriately start to open their hands and start to let go of their children as they get older, trusting God is there when they can't be. I want to walk that delicate, brave balance between sheltering SaraRose and equipping her to fly. <br />
<br />
I do not want to parent out of fear (like I feel I am right now); I want my daughter to see faith in me, even when the road ahead doesn't line up with my feelings. God's given me plenty of reasons to rest in this path, I just have to step into it believing. And if this is the perfect plan for <em>SaraRose</em> and for <em>Andrew</em>, then it is the perfect plan for <em>me </em>too.<br />
<br />
In closing, I will add this visual aid to the aforementioned (HE LOVES ME and HE'S GOT THIS). It's a little gift SaraRoses' teacher (who, once again, I know personally and is the prefect Kindergarten teacher for her) placed in my hand as I walked out the school door this morning. <br />
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(She gets me.) </div>
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Help me, Lord.</div>
Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-47423048934490266712013-04-23T16:14:00.004-07:002013-05-03T16:12:57.105-07:00Turning to the Psalms<span style="font-family: Calibri;">The book of Psalms is my favorite in the Bible and has
always been the safe place I run when life overwhelms me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Since the time I was a young, to the darkest
days of my life, to this very morning when I opened its pages, I find deliverance
and wisdom for living there like no other place in the world.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"> <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I was first introduced to the power of the Psalms at the tender
age of four. Growing up, I was a fearful child to whom the world loomed large.
Every day of my young life was filled with nervousness and anxiety. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But one
morning I found something that helped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Sitting crossed-legged on the Sunday School room floor, I listened as the
teacher opened to Psalm 23 and began reading a beautiful word picture of Jesus
as my Shepherd… “leading beside still waters (2),” where I could “fear no evil
(4).” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The sweetness spoken whispered peace
to my sensitive soul and I yearned to hear more of these kind words filled with
so much truth, love, and care for me.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">As I got a little older, the Psalms became the first
place I’d flip whenever I opened my Bible. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The verses resonated so I consistently I felt I
could have written each one. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And having
always battled that deep, on-going fear, it was a balm to know I wasn’t
alone---that David had felt those same things too, and that most importantly, he
had found consolation and help.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Many
nights, the pages brought such comfort I even slept with my Bible under my
pillow! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I slumbered in peace knowing
that there is Someone to whom even the night is not dark (139:12), and in Whom
I can trust and not be afraid (56:3).<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Around this time, I stumbled across Psalm 91 and it quickly
became my favorite chapter in the Bible (and remains so to this day). Oh, the
peace it brought my heart!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I read its
verses over and over and always felt better, stronger, more whole with each
recitation. Much like the 23<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">rd</span></sup> Psalm, it painted pictures that stirred
my imagination and captured me with its promises.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>The idea of God’s “covering” was something my
young heart visualized easily: <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>that “he
who dwells in the secret place of the Most High shall abide under the shadow of
the Almighty, (1)” and that “He will cover you with His feathers and under His
wings you will find refuge (4),” “For He gives His angels charge over you to
keep you in all your ways….(11-12).” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>All
18 verses were the exact medicine my worrisome heart needed. I memorized each
one and can’t begin to recount the number of times they have been right there
with me when I needed them most.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">After experiencing the comfort of Ps. 91, when I reached
my teen years I committed to reading a chapter of Psalms every night, starting
with chapter 1 and moving forward. The task seemed a little daunting at first
and I doubted it would be worth the time and effort.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I gave it a try, and was surprised at
what I uncovered.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I found that my
favorite book was more than just a place to open up and find verses when I
needed a blast of encouragement.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Instead,
it was chocked full of chapters like 23 and 91, and the more consistently I read
them, the more steadiness I found in my day, and the more confidence I felt in my
choices for living (and for a teenager that’s saying something!) <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But perhaps the most miraculous and unexpected
gift I received from reading through the Psalms was a deliverance from the
bondage of fear that had plagued me for so long.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was wondrous to witness firsthand the
power Scripture can give over a life-long stronghold like that.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Of course I didn’t recognize it at the time, but on top
of providing freedom and guidance, my little “read through the Psalms”
experiment also created space in my life for a regular devotional time with the
Lord (a tool that any pastor or Christian counselor will point to as an essential
part of victorious living). It is a discipline I still keep daily, and in which
I never fail to find inexplicable power. No one will ever waste time in God’s
word, and I am so glad I started that practice young.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Looking back, I wonder if perhaps God fortified my heart in
His Word at such early age because He knew how much I would need it as I
entered adulthood.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>My 20’s were filled with many ups and downs,
but four years ago (around my 30<sup><span style="font-size: x-small;">th</span></sup> birthday) a suffering slammed into
my world that left me reeling and desperate beyond anything I’ve ever known. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It started one morning shortly after my daughter
was born--my lower back completely gave out and the doctors pointed to the
problem being several disks in my spine that were greatly compromised. This led
to a series of four major back surgeries, all of which failed to correct the
problem.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I’ve lived through a nightmare
of operations, hospitals, pain, and depression-- times when death swirled
around me, times when I was tempted to give up.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>But even in that tremendous oppression, I knew I wasn’t alone.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew where to turn.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had seen too much of God and His power to ever
really doubt His Word. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I also knew from
experience that nothing could speak deliverance to my heartache like my very
favorite book in the Bible.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Turning to
the Psalms had almost become a habit-- a perfect, life-affirming habit that
spoke truth into my darkest days, and peace into the hot, spiraling pit of
hopelessness. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Even now as I deal with the aftermath of it all,
navigating life as a young wife and mother who lives with severe pain, I find much
of my daily strength in that same sweet book.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>When I doubt God’s goodness, I’m reminded that he is “kind,” “good” and
“merciful (116:5).”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I find it hard
to pray, I’m assured He “knows my thoughts (139:2).” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>When I wonder if He is truly there and really
loves me, I am guaranteed “He hems me in behind and before” (139: 5), and that
He loves me with an everlasting love (all of ch. 136). <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">I could never have dreamed as a little girl listening to
Psalm 23 how crucial this book would be for me over the years.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>In every Bible I own the Psalms are well-worn,
well-underlined and well-read.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>They continue
to be the first lifeline I turn to, and they always will be. I am forever changed
because of its priceless 150 chapters and the peace my young heart found there all
those years ago. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<o:p><span style="font-family: Calibri;"> </span></o:p><u><span style="font-family: Calibri;">Chapters that have meant the most to me:<o:p></o:p></span></u></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Psalm 139 (God’s personal attention to us)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Psalm 91 (God’s protection and safety)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Psalm 23 (God’s sweet and tender care)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Psalm 40 (God’s deliverance from the pit)<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Psalm 147 (God heals and finds favor)</span>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com6tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-127374423940473732013-02-12T16:40:00.001-08:002013-02-12T16:40:45.332-08:00A Great Couple with a Great New Endeavor
<br />
<div class="MsoNormal" style="margin: 0in 0in 10pt;">
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Back in the early days of facebook, I was happy to reconnect
with a famously nice guy I’d known in high school, Mike Ritter.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I knew that since I had last seen him, he’d
been in a gymnastics accident that left him paralyzed from the neck down.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So, I was eager to hear how he was doing and
interested to see in pictures that he was dating a darling blond news
journalist (who graduated from the same college I had) and that their
relationship was getting serious.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Mike
and I chatted back and forth as I asked how they had met and so on and so
forth, and he sent me a link to a little blog she wrote.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Her name was Dana, and I instantly liked her (and her blog.)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wrote about her life and being in news and
posted up-beat antidotes and humorous things that happened thruout her day. She
was cute, funny and obviously head over heels in love with Michael. I continued
to follow their journey there-- thru their romantic engagement, their storybook
wedding and I was thrilled to hear about their plans to merge her blog into one
that she and Mike planned to write together as newlyweds. In the first few
months of their marriage, they posted several times about date nights, recipes,
and talked a bit about living in Washington DC where Dana was now working as a
White House correspondent. They seemed so happy and so in love. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But then the posts stopped.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Several months went by, and I wondered about them often, and I hoped
life had just gotten really busy for them. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Then one morning I logged on to read a very real, very raw,
<a href="http://www.lovelikethislife.com/2010/06/painful-naked-truth.html" target="_blank">very BRAVE post</a> from Dana. She talked about how she had decided to be honest,
and to say that the transition to her new life as a wife and caregiver had been
much tougher than she ever expected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She
said she had been dealing with some major grief over the permanence of Michael’s
affliction, and that she was pretty sure she was wading thru depression too.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It wasn’t a cry for help…she was getting
that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was just a “Hey. This is who I
am and where we are and I am not ashamed to say so. ” <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And I remember being so proud of her-- this girl I really
didn’t even know. Anyone from the outside could easily look at Mike and Dana’s
marriage and know that it wouldn’t be easy for them. But it was so courageous
of her to be able to admit it publicly and so caring of Michael to let her. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And so, they kept on writing on the blog. And from that
point on, they made the conscious decision to not sugar-coat anything—they’d
talk about it all…the unbelievably happy times, the sweet romantic times, the crazy
fun times, and the down-right sad and terrible times.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And since Dana’s first courageous post back in
2010, Mike and Dana have stayed true to that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>They are real, relatable, laugh-out-loud funny, and oh-so-approachable
and honest. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Dana has said that in her
darkest days navigating that first year of marriage she felt like she couldn’t
find anyone else in the world in a similar situation.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I mean, how many others out there are happily
in love, just landed their dream job, and are a newlywed and caregiver to a
quadriplegic? <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">So Dana and Mike created what she couldn’t find, hoping that
thru their honesty they could help others. And they have.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Their blog has exploded.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others in similar situations have flocked to
them for help and support.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Others feel
safe saying their life is hard, because they know Mike and Dana understand.
They have worked with Joni and Friends, ministered to wounded soldiers, and
even created a Facebook page that connects spouses dealing with all sorts of
disability in marriage. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Thru their
candidness and drive to help others, I am convinced that in many ways they are
even changing the face of the Spinal Cord Injury community.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">Dana has also recently written an e-book expanding on one of
her most popular blog posts, and I promise you-- you don’t want to miss it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>She wrote it specifically with care-givers in
mind, and if are caring for someone physically, or know someone who is, please tell
them about this book. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It is empathic,
encouraging, and most of all it is empowering.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>You will see yourself in Dana’s words, and you will know you’re not
alone.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">But anyone will enjoy this ebook too. Because it’s Dana’s
story in a nutshell, told in her engaging, honest voice. It’s the story of
falling in love with someone you never dreamed of, but how it ended up being
the perfect fit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s the story of grief
and pain and the unexpected.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But, of how
God’s mercy and kindness is most often found in those very things.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s a love story.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Not just of Dana and the way she cares for
Michael, but of Michael’s tender care for her as well, and how they’ve learned
to come together as a team, no matter what. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Calibri;">And what a team they are.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Get Dana’s e-book, then follow their blog.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You won’t be sorry.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>You’ll smile, be encouraged, and meet two
wonderful new friends along the way.</span><br />
<br />
Download the ebook here: <a href="http://www.caregivingmanifesto.com/">www.caregivingmanifesto.com</a><br />
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Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-77310654130919742572012-12-27T11:43:00.002-08:002012-12-27T12:27:02.708-08:00Our Year (Photo Book style!)Well. This has officially been the longest I have ever gone without posting on my blog since I started writing it back in 2008. Not because there's been a lack of things to talk about, but more because that <a href="http://www.blogger.com/blogger.g?blogID=1041375579174974743#editor/target=post;postID=4402362801932166325" target="_blank">new pain I mentioned in this post</a>? It hasn't gone away. And on this blog, I've always been totally honest about all my physical problems. Heck, it's the reason I started this blog in the first place. But ya'll. I just haven't wanted to talk about it.<br />
That's really why I've been gone.<br />
And I still don't want to talk about it!<br />
So, if you don't mind...I need to give myself permission to not pour out every single issue with my back on here for a while. If something big happens, I will (probably) post about it, but until then I need the freedom to talk about other things.<br />
So, let me show you the Photo Book I just completed for last year!<br />
A little background: it just so happens that since Andrew and I met, I've kept photo albums every year. It started as simply as me loving to take pictures and just needing a place to put them. But since we are going on 12 YEARS married next July, my annual albums are quite an impressive feat! And very fun to look back on and remember. <br />
Last year was the first time I did it digitally and it turned out great. Working online works well for me since I spend way more time than the average 34 year old woman resting in bed. <br />
I worked crazy hard on this one, I'm not gonna lie. :) But I was really happy with the way it turned out. Can't wait to get it in the mail. Take a look!<br />
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<a href="http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AaM2bNq3YuWLCTg&cid=SFLYOCWIDGET&eid=118">Click here to view this photo book larger</a><br />
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Visit Shutterfly.com to create your own personalized <a href="http://www.shutterfly.com/photo-books" style="color: #6666cc;">photobook</a>.</div>
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Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-37194562957536178022012-08-28T08:56:00.001-07:002013-10-06T16:46:22.270-07:00My Fun Opportunity, All Because of this Here BlogIt was kind of funny. A few months ago, I noticed a comment on here from a sweet lady named Rhonda who said she'd like to discuss a writing opportunity with me, so if I was interested would I please email her?<br />
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For a split second I thought "hmmmm...that'd be cool!" then I quickly wrote if off assuming that since (by design) I do not promote this blog nor do I have any sort of huge following, it was probably nothing.<br />
<br />
But later, my one consistent blog commenter (*waving* Hi Katie!! :) had seen the comment too and asked me about it. So I decided to send an email, just in case....<br />
And lo and behold, it was for real! <a href="http://www.rhondaslife.com/" target="_blank">Rhonda is</a> the editor of a <em>Heart Magazine</em> and she had seen my little <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2011/10/david-is-my-homeboy.html" target="_blank">story and video</a> about memorizing Psalm 139 and asked if I'd be interested in writing an article for about how the Psalms have shaped my life. <br />
Well, I'll be...<br />
What a wonderful time I had doing it! I really, truly do have quite a tale to tell about this, and I am thrilled for the opportunity to share it. <br />
Thank you, Rhonda. This was so fun, and your magazine is awesome. God's continued blessing to you and yours.<br />
<br />
You can read my article at the link below on pages 8-10: (it may take a sec to download...)<br />
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<a href="http://heartmagazineonline.com/?page_id=2">http://heartmagazineonline.com/?page_id=2</a><br />
<br />Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-18311324409145289922012-07-17T08:45:00.003-07:002012-07-18T09:52:05.638-07:00My Favs: Summer EditionHere are a few of my favorite things this summer.....<br />
<strong>1).<em> Is Everyone Hanging Out Without Me (and Other Concerns)</em> and <em>I Feel Bad About My Neck</em></strong><br />
I am a fan of the humorous essay, and both these authors do it really well. Having a book of easy to read chapters is the perfect addition to any bedside table, and the whimsy and wit of both writers is a rare gift-- they're funny without being raunchy--and I call that a score.<br />
<strong>Best part?</strong> Ideal for any time you need something to do, but only have a few minutes.<br />
<strong>Down side?</strong> Is it cliche to buy a Nora Ephron book the day after her passing? Probably, but I did it anyway. <br />
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<strong>2). Weight Watchers String Cheese</strong><br />
I'm pretty much always watching my weight or straight up counting points on Weight Watchers. So I appreciate a yummy, low cal snack. These are hands-down my favorite right now.<br />
<strong>Best Part?</strong> It's the best tasting string cheese on the planet (so many are too cheesy.) Also, they are perfect consistency for optimum stringing. :)<br />
<strong>Down Side?</strong> I've found that no one can eat string cheese in a delicate fashion.<br />
<strong>Where to get it?</strong> I've seen them at Super Walmart but not at all grocery stores, so you'll have to check. I usually stock up when I see them.<br />
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<strong>3). Essie Turquoise and Caico Nail Polish</strong><br />
I'm can be a very boring person when it comes to toenail color. I choose deep wine shades (and french manicures when done professionally) and that's about it. The one time branched out and tried a "Navy Blue" that I hoped would look cute with jeans, it made my feet look purple and sickly. BUT THIS FUN, BREEZY AQUA IS PERFECT! Every time I look at my feet, I smile.<br />
<strong>Best Part?</strong> It stays on with out chipping for-ever. I mean really forever. You will have to redo your nails because of growth before chipping. And I call that another score.<br />
<strong>Down Side?</strong> The consistency is thin you have to be careful of dripping and apply several coats. But my uber sylish sister-in-law (in the pic with me below) confirmed that the thinness is what makes it stay on so well. Alrighty then, I'll take it!<br />
<strong>Where?</strong> Got mine at Target.<br />
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<strong>4). Neutrogena Build A Tan Sunless Tanning Lotion</strong><br />
This Florida girl has never tried a self-tanner. I've been too traumatised by stories of streaks and orange hands and I love to lay by a pool anyway--so I've never felt the need. Until I realized that I'm not a teenager anymore and that the world doesn't revolve around my relaxing and beach going. SO... I started small, and ya'll-- I'm in love. I may never lay out again.<br />
<strong>Best Part?</strong> It goes on in one easy coat and gives a perfect, natural, healthy glow.<br />
<strong>Down Side?</strong> I usually only put on one quick coat so if I shower the next day it will fade and I'll have to reapply.<br />
<strong>Where?</strong> I got mine at Target. I love Target.<br />
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<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I'm wearing it in this pic. Pretty natural, right?</td></tr>
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<strong>5). Publix Deli Chips and Salsa</strong><br />
This picture does not do this dip justice. Oh, how I wish I could give you a sample--because I'm sure you would do just what my friend Summer did after she tried it--stop on the way home to buy yourself some. It's chopped and assembled fresh in the deli and I'm telling you people, it will forever change your chips and salsa experience. And I do love me a good chips and salsa experience.<br />
<strong>Best Part?</strong> It's scrumptious, sweet, and ZERO Weight Watchers Points. <br />
<strong>Down Side?</strong> You can only buy it at Publix.<br />
<strong>Where?</strong> By the packaged cheeses and meats in the Deli selection.<br />
I'm going to go eat some right now.<br />
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Hope you're having a good summer! Any favs you want to share with me?Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-44023628019321663252012-06-17T11:01:00.001-07:002012-07-26T11:59:59.754-07:00Acting, Voice Over, and a Whole Lotta TrustI'm starting this story at the end, with a picture of my Bible--open to Psalm 116--laying on the floor in my Voice Over studio.<br />
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I'm sure that sentence makes no sense, so let me start at the beginning.<br />
It's been a crazy past few months with lots of highs and several lows.<br />
Since I most often write about my back stuff here (so honored you bear with me! I write for myself but am grateful for each of you who read along), I've never written about the Voice Over work I've been getting into over the past 8 months or so. I thought about it, but didn't know where to start. Then (as usual) my back stuff got intertwined and *poof!* a blog post was born. :)<br />
So here we are.<br />
But it's kind of a long story. <br />
And to understand it completely, I must to rewind to the very beginning, that laid it's roots years ago.<br />
Once upon a time, I loved theater and acting (and I was rather good at it too.) I don't say that to boast, just to help better explain how deep-seated some of my recent struggles are. Acting is the one talent I have that, from the time I was a kid, has always come naturally. I adore it, and for the most part, have had some fantastic opportunities with it too, usually receiving consistent, positive feedback from directors and others I've worked with.<br />
But, over the last decade or so a pattern started to develop. Time and time again, when different roles or open doors came my way, I'd only to be able to go so far with them before it was thwarted by my back problems.<br />
Two examples include:<br />
1) Landing my dream job at Disney, working there for a while, making plans to move up with the company, only have to quit due to physical stamina and an immanent back surgery.<br />
2) Getting my second professional acting job, only to throw my back out so badly that I later had to decline their offer.<br />
I could literally go on and on with examples like this, but these are two of the most devastating. <br />
Not very long after both of those happened, I figured it was time to just move on to the next big "plan" on my (emphasis on the <em>my :)</em> life's agenda: having children and being a stay-at-home mom. I knew acting would always be there.<br />
So we had SaraRose (which for the record, is the best thing we've ever done, and why I want another! :) But no one could have predicted how bad my back problems would get after that. Three major surgeries later, and I'm pretty sure I'll never be able to act again (so much of acting is <em>physical</em><em>),</em> or have any more children.<br />
Whew. Those are some tough pills to swallow, let me tell you.<br />
Most of this blog over the years has chronicled me working thru some of that. I remember writing <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2011/01/that-is-question.html" target="_blank">this post</a> which summed up the one major question I had now that life looked so....different.<br />
I have always been the kind of person who loves, almost needs, to have something new on the horizon--it's part of who I am, what gives me joy. So it was really disorienting to look at the future with a bleak "what now?"<br />
So, I decided to <em>really</em> pray. I don't want to sound super spiritual or something, but around September, I even pulled a Jerry Fallwell and started fasting....I was just so desolate and desperate for God to speak and lead me.<br />
And WOW. Did He ever! (there is something to fasting, ya'll--God can <em>move</em>). <br />
In a very miraculous way that I won't go into now, God led me to pursue Voice Over work....<br />
and I absolutely love it.<br />
It seems to be the perfect fit, melding my love for acting (without having to use my body), and the ability to work and rest as needed.<br />
God has opened <em>wide</em> every door, hooking me up with classes and critiques from professionals, providing the finances to set up a small recording studio in our home, and even connecting me with a Voice Over artist in the area, <a href="http://www.seancaldwell.com/" target="_blank">Sean Caldwell</a>, who does amazing work, <em>and has offered mentor me.</em> Wow. And all of this is just since early this year. Overwhelming and so, so awesome (there aren't really enough adjectives appropriate here!)<br />
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<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fXhvl5jEMWo/T90-GHdvtyI/AAAAAAAAA1s/riimzcpXh2w/s1600/Voice+over.jpg" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="261" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-fXhvl5jEMWo/T90-GHdvtyI/AAAAAAAAA1s/riimzcpXh2w/s400/Voice+over.jpg" width="400" /></a></div>
**On an different note, but a just-as-miraculous one, around this same time, God gave my husband a new job that is layered with blessings for our family. We've been praying for 9 years for a new job like this for him, and are still pinching ourselves it's come true!**<br />
God had been so good to us. He had answered monumental prayers.<br />
It seemed like things were starting to make a little sense. I was believing God is alive and active more than I ever have. I was feeling more confident and in control than I had in years. I was finally looking toward the future with hope! <br />
I even took down my faith poster!!<br />
<span style="font-size: large;">But then.</span> <br />
Don't you just know Satan was crouching, waiting to pounce on that one? YEA.<br />
Well, pounce he did. <br />
Out of no where and with a vengeance, I started having a terrible new back and leg pain. There were days I could hardly walk. Before I knew it, old wounds reopened, and I found myself questioning, "Why do I even bother? I know the way this all turns out. Why do I ever get my hopes up? Haven't I learned my lesson? This is just going to be another pitiful, painful end" and on and on it spiraled. <br />
Even with all God had done, I shut down.<br />
I stopped pursuing meetings with Sean, and I didn't even open the door to my studio. It all just hurt too much. Stopping completely was my only coping mechanism.<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Days and weeks went by. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I lay in bed, defeated, and told the Lord I was over it. </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"> </span><br />
But I did continue to pray. There's not much else to do when you're stuck in bed :)......but mostly because I fully believe in it's power--how could I not after all I've seen this year?<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then one night, my dad (what would I do without my dad?), came over and
I mentioned to him my struggles.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>As
always, he helped me with my perspective, and I felt the load lessen a bit.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> Then </span>I reached out to some
friends who came over and prayed with me.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
A few days after that, my dear</span> confidante, Terrie Scott, popped in to say good-bye, and I mentioned it to her as well. She gave me some good things to think about and is the one who suggested I straight-up put a Bible in my studio as a reminder of Who's in control of all this to begin with. I thought that was a great idea.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then God (who I'm learning never moves as quickly as I want Him to :), dropped two new Voice Over scripts--with a deadline--smack-dab in my lap. It was very unexpected-- I had put forth no effort to find work. But it<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> was just what I needed to, pain or no pain, open up the studio door, and start recording again. I even called Sean and we worked together twice this week.</span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">I have had a blast.</span></span><br />
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The pain is still there.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>It's not as oppressive as it was, but it's still enough to make me
nervous.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I don't know what it means...and I don't know if I want to. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But I <em>do</em> know that when it comes to Voice Over, I'm going to try my best to keep on going, regardless of the pain or all my wounds and worries. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">God's gave this to me as an answer and a gift, that much I <em>know.</em> </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">And I have so much fun doing it! </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><em> </em>I also have some cool opportunities coming up, so really, that is far as I need to focus. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I don't know if it will all crumble, I don't know if I will have to give it up. </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Heck, I don't know if things won't keep moving in a positive direction! </span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But I do know that God is keeping me reliant on Him. Much like Jacob with his limp, and Paul with his proverbial thorn in the flesh, I'm never too far from humility and being desperate for the Lord. I've always wanted to live from a place like that, I just never dreamed it would come like this. <em>Or be this hard! </em> So hard I would have to keep a literal Bible close by for support! But hey, whatever it takes. <span style="font-family: Times New Roman;">I need all the reminders I can get that God is bigger than my fears. </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times;">PS. I tried to attach some audio so you could hear some of my work, (seems mean to talk about Voice Over without something to listen to), but I couldn't figure it out. There is so much to the technical side I'm learning. I will as soon as I do!</span></div>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-39230599094815311042012-06-09T10:04:00.000-07:002012-06-09T10:52:52.498-07:00Have You Ever Seen a Cat's Eyes in the Dark?This is so opposite from the things I usually post here, but this is awesome and I seriously cannot stop laughing watching it. I am compelled to spread the love. My favorite is the snapping and whistle playing in the middle. :)<br />
Also, I adore Mr. Rogers. <br />
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<br />Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-59515392073635363232012-05-10T10:22:00.000-07:002013-10-01T16:52:29.241-07:00A Place Of HealingI've mentioned before that:<br />
A). I am a stalker fan of Joni Eareckson Tada (and Beth Moore too for that matter.) <br />
B). I get overly excited about things I love.<br />
C). When I am overly excited about something I love I can't help gushing and using lots of exclamation points!!!!!!!!<br />
That being said, please bear with me in this post; it's sure to be a combination of all 3. :)<br />
A few days ago I started reading Joni's book <em>A Place of Healing</em>, and my heart is so full I could cry just typing these words out.<br />
I have never, ever read something that so perfectly, so succinctly, so powerfully articulates exactly where I am in my current situation with pain and suffering. I've read books that are encouraging, books that help me look at obstacles in a new light, but I can't lie that many times I read them thinking, "well, that's great. But how do I apply that while living in PAIN every waking minute?"<br />
And that's the difference here.<br />
Joni <em>knows</em>. She gets it.<br />
Did you know Joni lives with pain? Many are aware that she's been a quadriplegic for 40 years, or that she had breast cancer--<em>but on top of all that</em>--she lives with intense pain in her neck and lower back. And even to her, someone who knows all about overcoming limitations and hardship, the pain has rocked her to the core.<br />
She states:<br />
"with this pain it's--it's as though God's reintroducing me to suffering. The agony I've experienced is beyond anything I could have imagined. Words truly fail me....I never used to be this way. Honestly. I never used to whine. I never used to wake up wondering if I'd be able to get out of bed. Most of all, I never remember being this anxious or fearful....I'm afraid I'm wearing out my friends. And my husband. Just as I used to tell God years ago when I was first injured, I find myself once more praying 'Lord, I can't live the rest of my life like this'."<br />
My heart resonates with that paragraph so deeply. I have felt all of those things too, and I <em>need</em> a book that gets it on that level. I need to be assured I am not alone.<br />
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Perhaps the most extraordinary thing, though, is that while Joni admittedly hates the pain, daily grapples with it and is at times deeply overwhelmed<br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">She is not overcome by it.</span></em><br />
Chapter after chapter speaks only hope and victory and beauty from ashes.<br />
Powerful words of healing beyond physical deliverance. <br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;">That is how I want to live.</span></em> I don't want to give in, to let pain destroy my joy or rob me of who I am becoming. Most of all, I never want the pain--as desperate as it can make me feel some days--to shatter my relationship with God. I know that's exactly what Satan wants to happen, I can sense that spiritual battle all around me at times, but I want to live in victory no matter my circumstances.<br />
<br />
So, having said all that (with minimal exclamation points too--impressive! :),<br />
I want to share with you some of her thoughts. I'm sure they may have deeper meaning to someone living with pain, but I promise if you take the time read them all the way thru....you too will be blessed.<br />
<br />
<u>From the chapter titled: "What Benefit is There to My Pain?"</u> <br />
"Maybe like me, you've occasionally worried that the cares, troubles and afflictions of this life will simply begin to wear you down, dulling your joy, deluding your hope, and robbing you of the radiance you once experienced as a believer. <br />
In fact, it may be the very opposite.<br />
It isn't the hurts, bumps and bruises that rob us of the freshness of Christ's beauty in our lives. More likely, it is careless ease, empty pride, earthly preoccupations and too much prosperity that will put layers of dirty film over our souls."<br />
<strong>(Oh my word. I really needed to hear that.)</strong><br />
<br />
<u>From the chapter: "How Can I Go on Like This?"</u> <strong>(Can I hear an amen for these chapter titles?)</strong><br />
I am so glad that this life for us is not an easy road. If it were, if the Lord didn't occasionally give us a taste of hell's splash over, you and I would soon forget that this world is not our home. I'm also grateful that he opens our eyes from time to time to the magnitude of this spiritual war we are in, He does this by giving us wonderful foretastes of glory divine in the joys we experience, and he does it by allowing us foretastes of hell in our suffering."<br />
<strong>(What a powerful thought. Suffering reminds us there is a hell.)</strong><br />
<br />
<u>From the chapter: "How Can I Bring Him Glory?"</u><br />
"I've fought for just the smallest bits of normalcy and peace in my war with pain, and I don't feel as if I have very much left to offer at all. <br />
But in the final scheme of things, I know it doesn't matter. <br />
He is the One who will make the most of the little I've got. He is the One who took note of the widows mite, dropped into treasury and affirmed that her little was worth more in heaven's sight than the offering of those who had given much."<br />
<strong>(What an encouragement to a wife and mother like me who feels her limitations so profoundly)</strong><br />
<br />
Of course I could go on and on, but I've gushed enough for one post. Suffice it to say I am reading this book with a swelling, thankful heart--to Joni and to the God we both serve. <br />
I hope I can honor Him in my pain half as much as she does.Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-73818689386427843092012-03-29T12:14:00.002-07:002013-10-06T16:49:49.527-07:00Its Time: Moving the Faith PosterYa'll. Can I get a hug right now? I kinda need one because I just took big step this morning. I took the <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2009/09/faith-poster.html" target="_blank">Faith Poster</a> down from the wall beside my bed. And I cried.<br />
I am actually crying now as I type this! <br />
I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't think it'd hit me this hard. <em>And I only moved it to the back of my door! Ha!</em> Now I'm crying and laughing!<br />
I guess the tears just prove how much this poster means to me. <em>For the longest time,</em> it was the only thing shining life into the darkest, loneliest days of my life. When I had nothing but tears, I'd roll over and see the sweet little clippings I'd pain-stakingly placed on there....and they reminded me to hope. When everything in my body told me life as I knew it was over, the poster hung firmly, whispering that even if my future looks different, there are still good things to come. And at the risk of sounding dramatic, this little poster helped me visualize things to live for when I really, really needed it.<br />
I've wondered for a while now about taking it down. It's been up for four years (one clipping reads "A Brand New You in <em>2009</em>!") But, I just couldn't bring myself to do it. I'd miss it too much. And there's some really important stuff on there is still isn't answered. <br />
Thru the years I have prayed for<em> </em><em>all of it</em> to come true.<br />
And a lot of it has!<br />
But a lot of it hasn't.<br />
So how could I take it down?<br />
Then, I read <a href="http://www.lovelikethislife.com/2011/09/special-visit-to-joni-and-friends.html" target="_blank">this</a>. Where Joni Earickson Tada talked about a drawing a friend did for her right after her accident. The artist sketched Joni "putting the pieces of her life back together," and Joni explained that some of those pieces never fit back together perfectly. But that "there is great wisdom in trusting God for each piece that doesn't go back the way it was."<br />
And that hit home. <br />
It was time. Time to trust that God sees and knows whether the poster is there to remind me or not.<br />
<br />
My life may never look like the picture I hoped for when I pieced those pictures together.<br />
But it doesn't have to. In fact, there is greater <em><strong>faith</strong></em> in believing that.<br />
I'm on the other side of so much. And my life is good.<br />
Different? Yes. Harder? Undoubtedly.<br />
But it is still good. I am seeing God move in some awesome, wonderful ways for me. <br />
Not to mention that my heart is for sure changed becuase of all I've been thru the last four years. God has grown me, stretched me, refined me, and I will never be the same. "From Sorrow to Strength," if you will. "A Beautiful New Me."<br />
And the inner change has always been more important to me than the physical stuff, the "Active Life!" represented in the poster.<br />
So today I took it down.....at least it hasn't gone too far. :) <br />
I am sad, but I am happy as well.<br />
I appreciate you letting me memorialize it here. I think I needed to talk it out.<br />
And for the record, I still believe God can give everything on there and more, if He so chooses. But His way is perfect.<br />
The only problem I have now is that my bedroom wall looks a little bare.<br />
Luckily, I have Pinterest to help with that. :)<span style="background-color: yellow;"> </span><br />
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Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com4tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-38389137504214493382012-03-04T10:09:00.000-08:002012-12-27T12:28:09.440-08:00A Thought That CountedThe other day I got a letter in the mail from my little sister.<br />
She didn't have to send it, but she did. And<em> <strong>that</strong></em> means the world to me. <br />
Here's some of what it read:<br />
<br />
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>"This card has been passed from my kitchen counter to my purse---just waiting for me to write it out. Just waiting for the right timing on what to say. </em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Although I know completely that you are rejoicing with us having another baby, I know part of you feels sad too. I couldn't say these words to you audibly, but I really appreciate your excitement (especially in us having a girl). I know it's probably hard for you and I don't neglect that in any way...</em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>You have no idea the inspiration you are to me. I love you dearly." </em></span></div>
<div style="text-align: center;">
<span style="font-family: "Helvetica Neue", Arial, Helvetica, sans-serif;"><em>Erika</em></span></div>
<br />
There was more to it, of course, but that's the general idea. And I just want to say how much that small act of kindness was <strong><em>appreciated</em></strong>.<br />
Thank you, Erika.<br />
Thank you for (in the midst of your great joy) taking the time to think about me. <br />
<em><span style="font-size: large;"><strong>And then making the effort to tell me so</strong>.</span></em> <br />
It really mattered.<br />
I love you, too. And I'm so happy for you.<br />
<br />
<table align="center" cellpadding="0" cellspacing="0" class="tr-caption-container" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto; text-align: center;"><tbody>
<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWqmxCIc0cM/T1OuasugecI/AAAAAAAAAoM/wvWhF2bEgpQ/s1600/074.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-QWqmxCIc0cM/T1OuasugecI/AAAAAAAAAoM/wvWhF2bEgpQ/s320/074.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">My baby sis and me</td></tr>
</tbody></table>
Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-10487983597592705422012-01-31T12:55:00.000-08:002013-10-04T07:22:36.525-07:00100 Things About Me for my 100th PostSo this is my 100th blog post. Wow. Back in 2008, I started writing here because I was very depressed and needed an outlet for my thoughts. <em></em><br />
<em>And</em> I remember thinking that once my back got all better it would be neat to go back read how God healed me from such a low place.<br />
Well. That didn't necessarily happen how I thought, now did it? :)<br />
But this blog has still been a soft place to fall and I love that. Even more, it opened my eyes to the others out there who write really, really good ones. This isn't one of those, of course.. but it's mine and I enjoy my little space here. <br />
For this milestone post I thought it'd be fun to write out "100 Things About Me," but that was before I realized what an intimidating feat that would be. Whew!<br />
Nevertheless, I already started the list so I may as well finish.<br />
Here goes nothing--<br />
<u>100 Things About Me</u><br />
1. Holding warm clothes straight out of the dryer makes me smile.<br />
2. I am pretty much cold all of the time.<br />
3. Laughing so hard I cry is my favorite.<br />
4. That doesn't happen often enough.<br />
5. It makes me happy when my phone bings with a new text message.<br />
6. But I don't like to talk on the phone. <br />
7. I can actually be a little phobic about it. It's odd.<br />
8. My scardey-cat tendencies are EPIC. Always have been. <br />
9. But I've worked on them for a long time, and I am s-l-o-w-ly seeing progress.<br />
10. I have two recurring dreams. <br />
11. One is that I'm in college and I find out there is a Math class I didn't take, therefore I can't graduate. Terrifying, I tell you. TERRIFYING.<br />
12. The other is that I am getting married and I don't know the guy and I don't want to marry him (once it was an Asian man?)...and all I want is to be with Andrew.<br />
13. I don't know my left from my right. And I'm not even kidding.<br />
14. Not knowing your left from right can be quite hazardous when you are alone and following MapQuest directions.<br />
15. I'm a movie lover.<br />
16. I really wish we all could agree to just ignore whatever comes after BlueRay. I really don't want to start my movie collection again.<br />
17. I've found that wearing a hats is a good idea. People comment on how together and fashionable I appear, when really I just skipped showering and doing my hair that day. <br />
18. It's a win, win really. :)<br />
19. Favorite Oscar winning movies include: "Good Will Hunting," "Rain Man," "Forrest Gump," "The Kings Speech" and "Schindler's List."<br />
20. But favorite rom coms are the best for a rainy day: "Return to Me," "You've Got Mail," "Sleepless in Seattle," and "The Holiday." <br />
21. My favorite girly-girl stuff is perfect for those mopey moments when I need something special in my life: "Anne of Green Gables," "Little Women," "Pride and Prejudice," and "Gone with the Wind."<br />
22. I also just discovered "Downton Abbey." Amen.<br />
23. I love having a daughter.<br />
24. And especially get a kick out of how fancy and girly she is.<br />
25. 'Cause I am too.<br />
26. I can't wait to introduce her to some of my favorite movies and books.<br />
27. I am sad that I may not have any more children. I <em>grieve</em> it.<br />
28. And I worry about SaraRose being an only child.<br />
29. I don't always understand God.<br />
30. But I trust Him anyway. <br />
31. I am descended from a passenger on the Mayflower.<br />
32. His name was Edward Doty; the relation is on my maternal grandmother's side.<br />
33. I enjoy the process of applying make-up and rarely go without it.<br />
34. If I own any clothes that say "dry clean only" it pretty much means they will never be washed.<br />
35. I took piano lessons for seven years and can't play a note.<br />
36. When I quit piano old people told me, "When you grow up, you're going to regret that decision and wish you could play."<br />
37. But I'm grown up now and I don't. Not one bit.<br />
38. And speaking of ill-advised, hilarious childhood efforts...I once attended Basketball Camp.<br />
39. To this day that makes me laugh because I have neither a competitive nor an athletic bone in my body.<br />
40. Suffice it to say that it was a beautiful, redemptive day when I discovered my knack for the Theater. :)<br />
41. I am a middle child.<br />
42. I am also a pastor's daughter.<br />
43. I have <em>wonderful</em> parents.<br />
44. Only in the last decade or so have I realized what a rare and beautiful gift that is.<br />
45. In fact, I hope I can raise my child as well as my parents did my sisters and me.<br />
46. I think facebook is a fabulous invention.<br />
47. Except for the days that I don't.<br />
48. When I was 16, I saw Tom Cruise place his hands and feet in the cement at the Grauman's Chinese Theater.<br />
49. Also that day, I got Nicole Kidman's autograph. (Um yea, this was back in Ye Olden Days when they were still married.)<br />
50. It was a monumental day for my teenage self (major crush on Tom at the time!)<br />
51. Now I think he's kind of a wackadoodle.<br />
52. But even so, that day goes down as one of my best life memories <em>ever</em>.<br />
53. I am like moth to a flame with a new People Magazine.<br />
54. The only time I'm happy to see a red light in traffic is when I have a text message to finish.<br />
55. I love me a good Bible Study.<br />
56. I worked at Disney World.<br />
57. Right now, my favorite sitcom is "The Big Bang Theory." Bazinga!<br />
58. Rivaling my enjoyment of movies is watching a good television series on DVD.<br />
59. I discovered the genius that is Gilmore Girls and The Office from a DVD marathon.<br />
60. I miss Lorelai and Stars Hollow.<br />
61. 10 years into marriage and I still carry guilt for not finishing my wedding thank you notes.<br />
62. I graduated from Keswick Christian School.<br />
63. And Liberty University.<br />
64. I often wonder if I'll get my Masters Degree someday. Maybe.<br />
<div>
65. I have never had my heart broken by a guy, but I have had it broken by a friend.</div>
66. I have a fairly extensive "Gone with the Wind" collection. Old movie scripts, editions, posters and even a pen that reads "Frankly, my dear..." :) <br />
67. Right now, I'm wondering how many more of these I have to come up with! <br />
68. And am hoping you aren't bored to tears wondering the same thing. <br />
Oh well, let's keep going....<br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">69. I often wonder how on the world other people have money to keep up with technology (I certainly don't).</span><br />
70. I hated Jr. High.<br />
71. Though I can rarely articulate the words properly, I'm a poet at heart.<br />
72. That's probably one reason I have a soft spot for John Denver music. Oh, yes. You heard me.<br />
73. His music fills up my senses like a night in the forest, what can I say? <br />
74. Typing all this stuff out, I'm realizing what a dork I am! (But aren't we all in our own way?!)<br />
75. I thoroughly enjoy a good nap.<br />
76. I've been to Israel and Jordan. <br />
77. I also studied theater in England, Scotland, Wales and Ireland one summer.<br />
78. Both trips were awesome.<br />
79. But now I've been to the all the overseas countries I've ever desired to visit, so I guess I'm good now? We'll see.<br />
80. I am an extrovert who loves to meet, talk, laugh and hang with people.<br />
81. But I'm kinda a homebody too.<br />
82. My favorite pizza is Pizza Hut Pepperoni Lovers, stuffed crust.<br />
<div>
83. An honest compliment can make my day. </div>
<div>
84. Consequently, if I <em>think</em> something nice about a person, I generally try to tell them. <br />
85. I figure, why keep kind stuff to yourself? It might make their day too.<br />
86. I can impersonate Glinda the Good Witch from the "Wizard of Oz."<br />
87. My husband and I met on a blind date.<br />
88. One of my favorite, happiest past times is browsing a bookstore.</div>
89. A good cry always makes me feel better.<br />
90. I'm convinced I drink coffee not because I <em>love</em> the taste, but more because I enjoy the aroma and the warmth of the mug in my hands.<br />
<div>
91. I have had wonderful women mentors in my life. And I am so grateful for that. (Special shout-out to Terrie Scott and Peggy Hinson.)<br />
92. I hope to pay that forward and mentor younger women myself as I grow and live this life.</div>
<div>
93. It amazes me that my husband never exaggerates. Like, ever.<br />
94. I, on the other hand, come from a long line of "gushers" who can tend to dramatize stories for effect. (It's a problem. I'm working on it :)<br />
95. I have three major scars (all from surgeries).<br />
96. I can't stand air vents blowing straight on me.<br />
97. Peas and kidney beans totally gross me out. <br />
98. Getting ready in the morning, I try and remind myself that another word for "beautiful" can be "confident."<br />
99. I'm a sucker for a good quote and have a hand-written book of my favorites.</div>
<div>
<div>
100. Show Tunes complete me.<br />
<br />
Aaaaaaand that's a wrap, people! Over and out. ;) </div>
</div>
Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-58437411538357468522012-01-25T16:48:00.000-08:002013-10-01T16:59:19.877-07:00The Beth Moore Siesta Celebration (Or, Whew. I Did It :)<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Well, I am back! If you read this blog pretty much at all, you know what an accomplishment this trip was for me.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Here's a little recap of everything.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">This celebration was only for those of us who memorized Scripture all year and honestly, I never thought I'd be able to go. I started memorizing just because I really wanted to internalize Psalm 139, and
I knew if <em>that</em> was going to happen…I’d need accountability to get ‘er done.
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But as the year progressed and I
memorized and memorized and got to verses 18…..19…..20….I started to think,
maybe, just maybe I could go to the Celebration in January. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But that was a
MASSIVE maybe. <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Because of the pain I live with.</span></o:p><br />
<o:p><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I haven't done anything on my own like that since all my surgeries, and the huge life adjustment.</span></o:p><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: x-small;">And it's just a fact that I rely on a ton of help from other people, and need lots of rest to live my life.</span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But I really wanted to do it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So I asked for the money for Christmas and
booked my flight and rental car.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>YIKES.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But. </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I did it, and I must say: I am proud. </span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">And I also had a wonderful<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>time!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">My hotel was gorgeous and
I met a ton of fun, sweet women (this world is filled with SO MANY awesome
people, don’t you think?). </span><br />
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<a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BDR6rxiT1-c/TyB71u70KWI/AAAAAAAAAnM/BbOH2Q7bguk/s1600/DSC_2953.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="210" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-BDR6rxiT1-c/TyB71u70KWI/AAAAAAAAAnM/BbOH2Q7bguk/s320/DSC_2953.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span><br />
<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
<a href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rUaIo7HwSYQ/TyB9at-DV8I/AAAAAAAAAnU/gOWpC2aDx90/s1600/DSC_2984.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="200" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-rUaIo7HwSYQ/TyB9at-DV8I/AAAAAAAAAnU/gOWpC2aDx90/s320/DSC_2984.JPG" width="320" /></span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But best of all, was the Celebration. It was held at
Houston’s First Baptist Church, which is where Beth’s Bible Study “Living
Beyond Yourself” was filmed.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>That was the
first study of hers I ever did, and God spoke to me in big ways thru it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>So that was fun and strangely comforting to see it up
close and personal. </span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">There were women
from all over that had memorized thru the year, but it was still a relatively
intimate group of us. And I got a great seat.<o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Then, it started!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">And Lord have mercy, was the worship amazing! I GOT MY PRAISE ON, people!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had to laugh when I totally pulled a Miss
America 2012 and <em>forgot to wear waterproof mascara</em>!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>Um, duh. When the Holy Spirit shows<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>up, it better be waterproof. :)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But what a fantastic night!<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Beth brought a WORD from 2 John.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Those of you who have done her studies can just
imagine.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">After the event was over, we had a group picture, and after that, I waited my turn and <strong>got to
speak with and hug Beth</strong>. Oh, yes I did. I felt so honored for the opportunity; not many others got to do that.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It’s so sweet to be
able look straight in the eye and talk with someone God has used<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>to<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>profoundly speak<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>truth and
growth<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>into your life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Then she squeezed my hand and hugged me too.</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So I pretty much
consider us besties now.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k6Hg6hwxC5I/TyB-3okeGbI/AAAAAAAAAns/ObOLky1bT2Q/s1600/DSC_2978.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><img border="0" height="209" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-k6Hg6hwxC5I/TyB-3okeGbI/AAAAAAAAAns/ObOLky1bT2Q/s320/DSC_2978.JPG" width="320" /></span></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Me and my new BFF</span></td></tr>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">I also got to chat with her daughter Amanda and meet two
other bloggers, Melanie (</span><a href="http://thebigmamablog.com/"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Big Mama</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">) and Sophie (</span><a href="http://boomama.net/"><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">BooMama</span></a><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">) who write hilarious
blogs that I love reading. <o:p></o:p></span></div>
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<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">So, that was Friday, and I don’t think I have ever been
so relieved to see a big, king-sized bed in my life.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">Saturday morning, I breakfasted with some of the sweet girls I’d met the night before and then followed them to the church for the
conclusion of the event. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had
flashbacks of AWANA when we had to get with a partner and recite our verses. <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>But I did good! <span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I even got an extra gift<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>for being able to say all 24 from the whole
year.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>See, AWANA?<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>Have I redeemed myself yet? (AWANA and I have
a complicated relationship.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I loved it; it
didn’t love me back.)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But seriously, it
was a powerful, beautiful service and lucklily this time, I remembered the
waterproof! <o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><o:p>B</o:p>y the time it was over, my poor back was SCREAMING at me,
so I had to bow out of lunch plans to go back to the hotel and rest, but I
rested in satisfaction knowing that I had done it. The biggest part of the
whole adventure was over.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>And I had
gotten to meet Beth Moore. :)</span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;"><br /></span><span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">The most difficult part of the whole experience for me
was THE DRIVING. Ugh.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>I had very
detailed maps (thank you, Andrew)<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>of
each place I had to go, but I pretty much got lost every single time I got out
on those crazy, crisscrossing streets.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;">
</span>So I avoided driving around out at all costs.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span>It was only in the car, lost, all by myself that I heard
myself screaming “WHAT WAS I THINKING??! I SHOULD NEVER HAVE DONE THIS!!!”<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span></span><br />
<div class="MsoNoSpacing" style="margin: 0in 0in 0pt;">
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But, I knew deep down I didn’t really mean it.<o:p></o:p></span></div>
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">It was totally
worth it.<span style="mso-spacerun: yes;"> </span><o:p></o:p></span><br />
<span style="font-family: Times, "Times New Roman", serif;">But believe me when I say…. I AM glad to be back home!<o:p></o:p></span>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com3tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-34867675256151918302012-01-19T18:04:00.000-08:002012-01-19T18:04:24.148-08:00A trip. And he knows me well. :)Tomorrow, I'm flying to Houston to attend a special Celebration for all the women who memorized 24 Scripture verses this year thru Beth Moore's blog!<br />
I am very excited...I know it's going to be tons of fun and extremely encouraging.<br />
I am also a little nervous, because this is the first trip of this magnitude I've taken since all my back stuff has happened. Should be an interesting adventure! I'm just gonna take stuff as it comes.<br />
<br />I also wanted to share a cute little anecdote before I take off. <br />
I already posted about it on Facebook, so sorry if this is overlapping for anyone. <br />
<br />But while I was packing<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}"> the other night I mention to Andrew, "Good grief, it seems like everyone is so worried about me--I have travelled before, you know." (I had been *a little* bombarded with helpful travel hints that day.)</span><br />
<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">And his answer to me was brilliant; the man knows me well: "Kristen, it's kinda like in 'Return to Me' when years after her big surgery Grace goes to Italy... and her grandpa and his friends are all standing around worrying if she's going to be alright, and asking if she really wants to do this. We've all been with you thru so much, and we just want to make sure you're going to be ok." <br /> And I totally got it--I speak movie. :) <br /> And *tears* it made me very grateful for everyone in my life that cares so much.</span><br />
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<span class="messageBody" data-ft="{"type":3}">Wish me luck!!</span>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-82626489881857850662012-01-05T10:21:00.000-08:002012-01-05T18:55:35.187-08:00<div class="separator" style="clear: both; text-align: center;">
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It doesn't happen often that something greatly exceeds my expectations. I'm a dreamer, ok?!<br />
But there is one thing that's done it. <br />
Over and above. <br />
Cup to overflowing.<br />
Storybook beautiful.<br />
<em><strong><span style="font-family: Georgia, "Times New Roman", serif; font-size: large;">MOTHERHOOD</span></strong></em> --<br />
Totally better than I<em><strong> ever</strong></em> dreamed it might be.<br />
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<a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4PG873nutOs/TwXoZuR400I/AAAAAAAAAmw/_0TLS1X3uCw/s1600/125.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: 1em; margin-right: 1em;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-4PG873nutOs/TwXoZuR400I/AAAAAAAAAmw/_0TLS1X3uCw/s320/125.JPG" width="320" /></a></div>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-17238668719851459982011-12-31T11:56:00.000-08:002013-10-06T16:52:30.828-07:00What I Found Out This Year2012--ready or not, here it comes! I love that life has cycles, seasons, beginnings and endings, because I don't know about you, but fresh starts are good for me. I need the hope a new dawn brings with it. Before 2011 closes I wanted to share a word...two words actually....that I feel have defined this past year for me.<br />
<span style="font-size: x-large;">"Just enough"</span><br />
I've prattled on and on on this blog about the tough times I have with pain and what its like coming to terms with the fact that something really bad may be a forever chronic life issue.<br />
Things have been a roller coaster the past four years. Huge ups (SaraRose Joy being born) and devastating downs (three unsuccessful surgeries anyone?) <br />
But thru the desperation, I've seen "just enough" play out over and over in my circumstances. And I am convinced that most often, this is how God moves.<br />
I don't understand why and it is not <em>my</em> way -- that's for sure! I desire the BIG, the BOLD, the UNMISTAKABLE. But time after time, I've received bits of hope *just* when I'm convinced all is lost. A word that encourages perfectly *just* when I wonder if I'm forgotten. A medication that helps the pain *just* when I thought I couldn't take anymore. Sustaining grace. Not deliverance. Just enough.<br />
I received two such graces just this morning...both at the perfect moment.<br />
And I wouldn't have always recognized them as such--I would have held out for more. <br />
But I am learning. <br />
It is rarely ALL, but it is ENOUGH. For some reason I'll probably never know, most often....that's where He is found.<br />
And when I look back on it....it is good! Difficult, but still good. <br />
"Just enough" was really all I needed.<br />
<br />
And on a lighter note.....<br />
Here's SaraRose on New Years Eve, 2008. In a popcorn bin. <br />
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And here she is this year. In our clothes hamper. </div>
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Happy New Year everyone! Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-7701699322667757012011-12-01T10:45:00.001-08:002012-01-26T14:18:28.860-08:00Our Family Photo Book, 2011<object classid="clsid:d27cdb6e-ae6d-11cf-96b8-444553540000" codebase="http://download.macromedia.com/pub/shockwave/cabs/flash/swflash.cab" height="425" width="425"><param name="movie" value="http://images-community.shutterfly.com/flashapps/slideshow/slideshow-ui.swf"/>
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<a href="http://share.shutterfly.com/action/welcome?sid=0AaM2bNq3YuWL14&eid=115">Click here to view this photo book larger</a></div>
<img border="0" height="1" src="https://os.shutterfly.com/b/ss/sflyshareprod/1/H.15/111?pageName=sharekey&c1=photobook&c2=blogger" style="background: rgb(255, 255, 255); border: currentColor; box-shadow: none; padding: 0px;" width="1" /><br />
<div style="margin-top: 10px; text-align: center; width: 425px;">
Feel free to take a peak! I've been working on this all year and I can't wait to get it in the mail. It was time-consuming but super fun to put together. If you did anything with us this year, you're probably in it! </div>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-47323496956666843452011-11-30T13:57:00.001-08:002011-11-30T18:54:04.435-08:00A post just to post, pretty much.I don't have much to write about (well, except the fact that I've been feeling TERRIBLE and stuck in bed for two days...but I don't really want to talk about that.) <br />
I did want to update here, tho, so I'm just gonna put some pictures up that I've taken recently and call it a post. <br />
Have I ever mentioned that I love my camera? I think I might have a time or two. I would marry it if I could. It's added so much joy to my life.<br />
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Don't you love it when a hobby you kinda want to try ends up being way more awesome than you even thought it might be?</div>
My camera was that.<br />
Blogging is actually another.<br />
I'm sure there's more I could add to that list, but those kind of delightful surprises don't come along very often.<br />
Anyway. Where was I? <br />
Pictures.<br />
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OsXX2tNDWko/Tta-Fj2iCnI/AAAAAAAAAlk/g1FXCjHlrGg/s1600/DSC_2776.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-OsXX2tNDWko/Tta-Fj2iCnI/AAAAAAAAAlk/g1FXCjHlrGg/s320/DSC_2776.JPG" width="212" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I love that with my camera I can capture moments that normally fly by. I'm not gonna lie, our tree looks amazing this year. And that makes me very, very happy! Add a quiet morning, my Bible and some hot coffee? 'Tis bliss.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pOx3z9JG0Is/TtaqNiCZEgI/AAAAAAAAAk8/noSZQxgviNA/s1600/ballet.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-pOx3z9JG0Is/TtaqNiCZEgI/AAAAAAAAAk8/noSZQxgviNA/s320/ballet.JPG" width="236" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">Is there much more precious in this whole wide world as a little three year old (who loves all things frilly and pink) at their first ballet class? I swoon over this picture. The teacher told them to stand in "first position," notice how her little feet are turned out? And then she gave them a stuffed animal. All the other girls started walking around and talking at this point. But my dainty rule-keeper stood right where she was told, a shy smile on her face, holding her animal just. so.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-izLrjgucxM0/Tta9jlRObaI/AAAAAAAAAlc/Q1aoUHEBbwg/s1600/DSC_2723.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="320" src="http://4.bp.blogspot.com/-izLrjgucxM0/Tta9jlRObaI/AAAAAAAAAlc/Q1aoUHEBbwg/s320/DSC_2723.JPG" width="200" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">This is me and my girl on one of our favorite nights the of the year. We all decorated the tree and drank hot chocolate as SaraRose danced around watching "The Polar Express." And I thought about how that moment. Right there. Was just about as perfect as life can get on this fallen earth.</td></tr>
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<tr><td style="text-align: center;"><a href="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MM8RMXcAW9U/Tta5q-BYpsI/AAAAAAAAAlU/DIn-Omzxs60/s1600/DSC_2284.JPG" imageanchor="1" style="clear: left; margin-bottom: 1em; margin-left: auto; margin-right: auto;"><img border="0" height="212" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-MM8RMXcAW9U/Tta5q-BYpsI/AAAAAAAAAlU/DIn-Omzxs60/s320/DSC_2284.JPG" width="320" /></a></td></tr>
<tr><td class="tr-caption" style="text-align: center;">I snapped these two pictures at a wedding rehearsal dinner. I actually love the way they turned out. The lighting, the focus, how it captured the mood. But you know one thing I've learned about photography? The pictures that you are the most proud of (because you know all you had to maneuver and to get THAT SHOT just right) are many times are the photos other people are ho-hum about when you show them. <br />
So, you just have to be ok with that.</td></tr>
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Alright. That's all for tonight!<br />
I really hope I feel better tomorrow. That would be a wonderful, wonderful thing. <br />
Nighty-night. Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-13356102746962533792011-10-16T20:27:00.000-07:002013-10-06T16:38:11.240-07:00David is my HomeboyMy whole life, the Psalms have been the safe place I run when the world seems to overwhelm me. Being the sensitive, fearful child that I was it was only in reading the Psalms at night--my Bible tucked under my pillow--that I could fall asleep. The words gave comfort while I slept and promises of strength to face another day at school. <br />
In sixth grade, I memorized my then favorite--Psalm 91--for a Speech Meet (and oh yea, sixth grade self! I won a 1st Place ribbon, the 1st time I ever received recognition for something performance related.)<br />
Little did I know it then, but thru the even tougher years of growing up--more times than I can count--having those words tucked deep in my heart gave refuge to my confused, young adult soul.<br />
It is still, hands-down, my favorite chapter in the whole Bible, very likely because it's been right there with me thru so much. <br />
Now in my early 30's I've faced many of my fears, but I still love a life that's more difficult than I imagined for myself. Thru this ordeal with my back pain, Psalm 139 has become a close second favorite chapter. The promises it holds are remarkably personal. It's given peace that God sees me, knows me, and thinks of me more than I can fathom.<br />
I've wanted it memorized for a while. But the actual <em>memorizing</em> without a class project or deadline or something? I knew that probably wasn't going to happen. This girl needs accountability :) <br />
So I was excited when last January, Beth Moore announced on her <a href="http://blog.lproof.org/">blog</a> that she provides a place for women to memorize throughout the year (logging in two verses every month, 24 for the full year). I instantly knew this was my chance to get Psalm 139:1-18 hidden in my heart just as Psalm 91 has been all these years.<br />
*side note*--As an incentive to those who log in faithfully, Beth is throwing a celebration in Houston, January 2012. I am planning to go and asking for the money for the plane ticket for Christmas!<br />
And I did it. Just a few weeks ago I logged in verse 18! It's been amazing how much slowly memorizing verse by verse has enriched my life. So often, it's been just what I need at just the right moment. In fact, right before that awful last doctors appointment, I whispered the chapter to myself on the x-ray table.<br />
Here's the proof that I actually do have it all memorized. I recorded this video a few weeks ago, so my hair isn't quite as long anymore. It looks a little bit more like this now, actually.<br />
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But that's neither here nor there....back to the important, spiritual stuff :)</div>
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<iframe allowfullscreen="" frameborder="0" height="315" src="http://www.youtube.com/embed/1wCSuMqI1IM" width="420"></iframe><br />Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com2tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-17734496356380271622011-10-10T18:31:00.000-07:002011-10-23T15:57:37.317-07:00Tough StuffI've been having a rough time lately. Like really rough. It all started with that stupid doctors appointment. I wasn't expecting to feel this way, but it's shaken me to the core. Everything seems more final now. And its brought back to the surface a ton of disappointments. I'm trying (again) to work thru it all. To figure out how God wants me to cope. How do I glorify Him in all of this? How do I move forward when so many of my dreams aren't possible?<br />
I'm battling thoughts that seem consumed by all I can't do.<br />
Losing your health (especially at a young age) isn't for sissies.<br />
I did a Bible Study recently and one of the questions asked was "what would the perfect day look like for you?" I quickly chimed in with an answer having something to do with shopping and shows in New York City (and everything to do with Andrew being with me :)....but later, on the drive home, I could hardly see thru my tears....because I knew <em>really</em> what the perfect day would look like for me. And it didn't have anything to do with NYC. It was simply waking up and doing anything, being anywhere, <em>without pain</em>.<br />
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And there is another massive loss that looms and hurts maybe even more than all that right now. It's difficult for me to even talk about. But it's where I'm at so I may as well be honest. Because of several elements in my back situation, I can't have another child. It's a profound loss, but I don't mention it for you to feel sorry for me. It's just the truth; part of the tough stuff I'm trying to wrap my mind around. I wrote a little bit about my feelings <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2011/02/recently-ive-been-thinking-lot-about.html">here</a>. And that helped me process things. But I know I'm still in mourning--I haven't reached the other side yet. Some days I wonder if I ever will. <br />
I know all of this is huge, heavy stuff. So heavy, in fact, it has the ability to quickly undo all I long to be as a follower of Christ. I know I must tred very carefully as I make my way thru this world of questions, doubt...suffering. Too often I've watched tough stuff change people. And not for the better, either. Just recently I talked with a friend I admire and love deeply. Hard times she's facing have allowed some very ugly, cynical views to take root in her mind and heart. It made me so sad to hear her talking that way, believing those lies. Giving in to the hardship. But it also fortified in me that I do not want to succumb to that kind of mindset. Ever. I don't want to let the pain win over that part of me too.<br />
So I will keep fighting. It's easy at this point to feel like I've lost. I fought a long, hard battle for "healing" and it didn't happen. Much in me tells me that I've lost. But I know that I didn't lose. <a href="http://kristenjoymaddux.blogspot.com/2010/01/grandmas-bible.html">My Lord knows all about my circumstances</a>. <em>And my life isn't over yet.</em> And even though these days have been hard, when I take the time to ask and listen, He quietly whispers promises to remind me "the Lord will fulfill His purpose for me" (Ps. 138:8) and that He "restores the years the locusts have eaten." (Joel 2:25 ) I read those verses within two days of each other....I know He's speaking them into my very tender heart.<br />
So the real question then becomes, will I believe Him in the midst of all the tough stuff...even when I absolutely cannot see it? </div>Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com0tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-46498620380413458062011-09-15T18:07:00.000-07:002011-09-21T11:37:12.118-07:00The Doctor Visit I've Been DreadingI went to my spine doctor today and now I am exhausted. I'm pretty much always sick at my stomach the day before an appointment, and the whole week prior I am a complete grouch. Andrew just kinda stays out of my way. Bless his heart. I really try to live one day at a time. Constant pain+looking too far into the future=panic attack. So the command from Jesus to "not worry about tomorrow" is a life-saver for me. My greatest coping mechanism. But when I know a doctor's appointment is coming, living one day at a time is hard.<br />
Today was especially tough because I had to have the "there's not much more we can do" talk with the surgeon. I knew it was coming, but hearing it discussed with real, out-loud words hit me like a Mack Truck. I got in the car and cried and cried. That is a pretty consistent happening after talking in depth about my back issues, but today it just felt extra sad. I still have a headache.<br />
Because basically, the pain I suffer with every day is probably stemming from nerve damage or scar tissue that has grown inside the nerve, and it is very hard to diagnose and treat. There are things that can be done to help manage the pain, but not much that will completely cure it. I've seen and spoken with a large variety of surgeons over these grueling past 3.5 years, so I've long known (after the last surgery didn't help) that this was probably what I'd be facing. But still. Hard to go there. Hard to talk about. So final. I'm hopeful that there will be strides made in the area of nerve damage/spine/pain issues in the future and there are even some tests I may try down the not too distant road. But for now, I just want some time of normalcy (my new normal, anyway). Sept 1st was the anniversary of my third back operation in under three years (including one massive, brutal operation that opened me up from the front AND the back), so are you feelin me here? GIRLFRIEND NEEDS A BREAK. So. That is were we are.<br />
The one good thing that came out of today's appointment is that I don't have to switch doctors. I thought maybe at this point I might have to. But I'm thankful to stay with him. He's the one I've always felt the most comfortable with (after meeting an <em><strong>array</strong></em> thru the years). He's been with my story from the beginning (1st surgery was 1999), he's been available when I <em>really</em> needed it, and he definitely knows his spine stuff. I like him. So I am thankful that I don't have to start another doctor-find. Those are daunting. Some doctors are rude. And it's overwhelming to tell my story over and over. And to then hear the inevitable "Wow. How old are you? You're really young for all this." Yea, I know. Tell me about. <br />
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Lately, I've prayed deeply for direction, so I feel even this little provision is an answer. I am learning to give thanks for every gift, even if it seems small compared to the big bold answers I know God is capable of. As I get to know and fall in love with Him more, I realize this is His way. A still small voice. He asks me to just keep trusting with the big stuff. So I will. <br />
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I recall a quote I taped in my Bible about a decade ago while I worked at Disney World. I was 21 and it spoke to me. I'd would pray it to Him with all my heart many, many times while I went about my day working my dream job. Little did I know He just might take me up on it. :)<br />
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">"Lord, send me anywhere, only go with me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Lay any burden on me, only sustain me.</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;">Sever any tie, but the tie that binds me to Yourself."</span></div>
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<span style="font-family: "Courier New", Courier, monospace;"> <span style="font-size: x-small;">-David Livingstone</span></span></div>
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I think He's asking me now if I really meant it. And I did. Just sustain me, ok, Lord?<br />
I know He will.Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-23747919801164276582011-08-21T10:56:00.000-07:002013-10-06T16:54:10.493-07:00It's more than a blog post; it's a Vlog post<div>
I know, impressive! I've never done this before, and I learned a few things in the short time it took:</div>
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#1) I talk with my hands...alot. </div>
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#2) Propping a laptop up on pillows makes for a shakey foundation. Especially if the recordee talks with her hands alot.</div>
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#3) I should probably allow *a little more* recording time before people are scheduled to come home. It makes things awkward. :)</div>
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Alright, here goes nothing. Let's try this thing.</div>
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Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com1tag:blogger.com,1999:blog-1041375579174974743.post-56844884184888493892011-07-25T13:20:00.000-07:002011-07-26T17:35:34.200-07:00A celebration that lingers<div>It's been 3 days since Andrew and I celebrated our 10th Anniversary, and my cup is still overflowing from the joy of that evening. I knew it would be fun. I knew I'd wear my wedding dress again and we'd renew our vows. But I wasn't expecting the well of emotion once the evening began and our friends and family started to arrive. Suddenly, there was so much love filling the atmosphere. So much support and happiness! I felt it down to my bones. It's easy to take for granted all the wonderful people in your life who are there for you and who want the best for you, until you get a ton of them in a room together. :) It is a shower of laughter, hugs and hope!</div><div>I think God wants this kind of celebration for all of us every now and then. To remind us that we aren't just loved, we are <em>LOVED</em>. I was (and am still) so, so happy.</div><div><br />But, of course the celebration eventually came down to just the two of us. Andrew and me, going on 10 years as man and wife. When I walked out to meet him again...this time with our dainty daughter's tiny hand in mine...my heart was near to bursting!</div><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 297px; height: 400px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633458770450579234" border="0" alt="" src="http://3.bp.blogspot.com/-JNEMAJ2i2qE/Ti4Q54WD_yI/AAAAAAAAAjQ/ZsWyptPAIvY/s400/DSC_1168.JPG" />.<img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 281px; height: 400px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633453672960628578" border="0" alt="" src="http://1.bp.blogspot.com/-Ll2VloVHItQ/Ti4MRKtwF2I/AAAAAAAAAi4/cHT5j_FVjc0/s400/DSC_1169.JPG" />This time, Andrew and I know completely what it all really means. We've been thru a lot. We understand the gravity of those words we are saying. There are no romantic notions clouding our view. And yet, there is still so much love for each other. So much assurance that we are meant to be. We'd do it all over again in a heartbeat. And we did.<a onblur="try {parent.deselectBloggerImageGracefully();} catch(e) {}" href="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P24ms5zCiV0/Ti4VKEm1HiI/AAAAAAAAAjg/mQggj-ulvDw/s1600/DSC_1173.JPG"><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 400px; height: 275px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633463446666550818" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-P24ms5zCiV0/Ti4VKEm1HiI/AAAAAAAAAjg/mQggj-ulvDw/s400/DSC_1173.JPG" /></a><div> </div><div><img style="margin: 0px auto 10px; width: 400px; height: 300px; text-align: center; display: block; cursor: pointer;" id="BLOGGER_PHOTO_ID_5633442657368461682" border="0" alt="" src="http://2.bp.blogspot.com/-DZ-56E2nsE0/Ti4CP-b60XI/AAAAAAAAAig/X6ET3S-1rP0/s400/holding%2Bhands.jpg" /></div><div> </div>It's been so nice that the contentment of the evening has lingered in my heart. It's only the really special memories that can do that; I could probably count them on one hand.<br />But this evening? This evening was for the books.<br />And it was the perfect foundation for the decades to come.Kristen Madduxhttp://www.blogger.com/profile/05043759532603036419noreply@blogger.com0