Thursday, March 29, 2012

Its Time: Moving the Faith Poster

Ya'll.  Can I get a hug right now?  I kinda need one because I just took big step this morning.  I took the Faith Poster down from the wall beside my bed.  And I cried.
I am actually crying now as I type this!
I knew it would be difficult, but I didn't think it'd hit me this hard. And I only moved it to the back of my door! Ha! Now I'm crying and laughing!
I guess the tears just prove how much this poster means to me.  For the longest time, it was the only thing shining life into the darkest, loneliest days of my life.  When I had nothing but tears, I'd roll over and see the sweet little clippings I'd pain-stakingly placed on there....and they reminded me to hope. When everything in my body told me life as I knew it was over, the poster hung firmly, whispering that even if my future looks different, there are still good things to come.   And at the risk of sounding dramatic, this little poster helped me visualize things to live for when I really, really needed it.
I've wondered for a while now about taking it down.  It's been up for four years (one clipping reads "A Brand New You in 2009!")  But, I just couldn't bring myself to do it.  I'd miss it too much.  And there's some really important stuff on there is still isn't answered. 
Thru the years I have prayed for all of it to come true.
And a lot of it has!
But a lot of it hasn't.
So how could I take it down?
Then, I read this.  Where Joni Earickson Tada talked about a drawing a friend did for her right after her accident.  The artist sketched Joni "putting the pieces of her life back together," and Joni explained that some of those pieces never fit back together perfectly. But that "there is great wisdom in trusting God for each piece that doesn't go back the way it was."
And that hit home. 
It was time. Time to trust that God sees and knows whether the poster is there to remind me or not.

My life may never look like the picture I hoped for when I pieced those pictures together.
But it doesn't have to.  In fact, there is greater faith in believing that.
I'm on the other side of so much. And my life is good.
Different? Yes.  Harder?  Undoubtedly.
But it is still good.  I am seeing God move in some awesome, wonderful ways for me.
Not to mention that my heart is for sure changed becuase of all I've been thru the last four years.  God has grown me, stretched me, refined me, and I will never be the same. "From Sorrow to Strength," if you will. "A Beautiful New Me."
And the inner change has always been more important to me than the physical stuff, the "Active Life!" represented in the poster.
So today I took it least it hasn't gone too far. :)
I am sad, but I am happy as well.
I appreciate you letting me memorialize it here.  I think I needed to talk it out.
And for the record, I still believe God can give everything on there and more, if He so chooses.  But His way is perfect.
The only problem I have now is that my bedroom wall looks a little bare.
Luckily, I have Pinterest to help with that. :) 

Sunday, March 4, 2012

A Thought That Counted

The other day I got a letter in the mail from my little sister.
She didn't have to send it, but she did.  And that means the world to me. 
Here's some of what it read:

"This card has been passed from my kitchen counter to my purse---just waiting for me to write it out. Just waiting for the right timing on what to say.
Although I know completely that you are rejoicing with us having another baby, I know part of you feels sad too. I couldn't say these words to you audibly, but I really appreciate your excitement (especially in us having a girl). I know it's probably hard for you and I don't neglect that in any way...
You have no idea the inspiration you are to me. I love you dearly."

There was more to it, of course, but that's the general idea. And I just want to say how much that small act of kindness was appreciated.
Thank you, Erika.
Thank you for (in the midst of your great joy) taking the time to think about me. 
And then making the effort to tell me so.
It really mattered.
I love you, too. And I'm so happy for you.

My baby sis and me