Thursday, April 21, 2011

On allowances and such

I probably shouldn't be blogging. Because I'm a little bummed right now. And when I feel this way, write, and click Publish I usually end up rolling my eyes days later when, feeling chipper and content with with my lot in life, I reread it.
But here goes anyway. This could be interesting :)
Why am I so bummed?
Well, I had to do a crummy thing: choose for the day which fun event I'll miss out on. Sounds pitiful, I know. But just bear with my pity party for a sec, ok? :) I have to do this often. Pain catches up with me quickly, so from day to day I must prioritize what I'm involved in. It's often a disappointing balancing act.
It's kind of like when you were a teenager and your parents would give you a certain amount of money to spend for shopping. You knew it'd go quickly, so you saved it thruout your shopping spree, weighed out what it could buy you in several different stores before you finally spent it on what you really wanted. Similarly, each day I wake up with a certain amount of stamina. Some mornings I've got $100 dollars to spend--and that's awesome...I might get to do 2 or 3 activities that day, probably even drive myself! But other mornings I roll out of bed with just $10 dollars and some change--meaning I'll need quite a bit of help with SaraRose, and if I get to go out someone else will have to drive.
It's not a super fun way to live. And it makes for some teary, bummer moments for an middle of the action lovin girl like me.
But I do remind myself that it's not all bad either.
There have been days in the past when I woke up with $0.00 to spend. So I'm learning to be grateful for any "money in my pocket," however little or much it is.
And I know for sure that I never ever want to get to the place where I don't cash in on what I've got. To me, that's when the pain/hardship start winning. I pray I NEVER LET THE PAIN WIN.

And the other not so bad thing about living this way is that it helps me streamline which commitments I really want to be a part of, and which things I need to say no to.
Subsequently, when I am able to be a part I am fully present and very grateful for every moment. I enjoy it for all it's worth. As opposed to before when I took many things for granted. Even complained about having to go. Seems hard to believe that now.
So, even tho I'm lying here while my in-laws, hubby and daughter are scouring tourist traps in Safety Harbor, I know that Andrew and I were able to have a very nice date last night. And that was super important to me and really fun. (It including a yummy dinner and shopping at my favorite-can't-afford-anything-but-I-still-love-looking store, Anthrogologie.)
So, this morning Safety Harbor got the ax. The $$ it would have cost me is tucked into my pocket for that date and to hopefully attend our church Home Fellowship Group tonight.
....where we are watching The Passion of the Christ in honor of Holy Week.
Now THAT should give me some real perspective.