Saturday, February 12, 2011

Recently I've been thinking a lot about only children.
I've never given much thought to it before.
Because I knew if I ever had kids, I'd surely have several.
But we've reached a place with all my physical stuff
that our little one could be our only one.
So I'm thinking a lot about only children.

And I'll admit that I'm sad and a little scared at the prospect.
It's not what I wanted.
And I find myself wondering worrisome questions, like
are they spoiled rotten like my mom always said?
Are they lonely and missing out?
And how can I keep my own sweet girl from being or feeling that way?

And I fight sadness (have I said that already?)
Children grow so quickly. With one it slips that much faster.
No more three year old birthday parties. Each milestone is the last.
Our home will be quieter. Dinners smaller. Trips to visit the kids someday...shorter.

And what about SaraRose? Will she always wish for a brother or sister?
Will she be ok without a sibling to grow old with?
So many questions.
And more than a few tears.
It's hard not having control.

But I've lived long enough to know that things don't always turn out like we plan.
Like the mother who always wanted a daughter and has four boys.
Or the guy who always dreamed he'd have a family and finds himself divorced.
Life isn't perfect.

I will mourn the loss of not having another baby.
Of course I will.
But eventually...I will move on.
Because having an only child is not the end of the world.
Of course it's not.

It is a blessing. She is a blessing.
She is a spunky little pixie that twirls in the living room and makes me laugh.
I'm so happy to be her mom.

And I don't want to miss out on all I have by worrying about what I don't.
And just because it's not what I always thought,
that doesn't mean it won't still be great.
In fact, I know it will be.

Because God promises--
If she is our only one, it's His best for her.
If she is our only one, it's His best for me.
If she is our only one, it's His best for our family.

And His best is always the best.
I've lived long enough to know that too.

It is good for me to remember these things.
For there will be sadness and questions.
And the portrait may not look exactly like I imagined.
But it's comforting to know that in the end
it will look exactly how it should.

Finely perfected. Filled with love and beauty.
The grand story of a wonderful family.
Regardless of the number of people in it.

                                                             The Three Maddux Musketeers

Tuesday, February 8, 2011

He will give you....

Christy Nockels is one of my favorite Christian lyricists, and if I could sing like'd be her.
I simply love and need the application she places on "delight yourself in the Lord and He will give you the desires of your heart" in this little clip. Boy, does it shift perspective right back to where it needs to be.