Saturday, July 10, 2010

Another weary week

This week was not any better. I have had to rest in bed while my mom and Andrew do everything around me and for me. And I've had to give precious time with SaraRose away to others, because I can't take care of her when I feel this badly.
And it all gets me down. The physical pain burning my back and legs brings with it this emotional turmoil that sits heavy on my chest.
Because there are a lot of scary/sad things to think about. And I have nothing but time to think. The inevitably of another surgery. The horrors that brings with it. The strain on my family. The pain. The worthlessness. The medication. All I'm missing. All I'm losing. The hows, the whys. My future. My family. My LIFE.
Heavy heavy stuff.
I think I need a good book. :0) Just threw that in there to lighten the mood. But seriously. If you know good one, help a girl out. :)

ANY-way...I'm beat. Totally over this. Searching for direction, needing relief. I can bear it (and praise God at this point even thrive in it) when the pain is manageable. Not that it takes away the fact that there's still a major issue. But it does help me keep things compartmentalized.
It's just times like tonight, when the pain level has been high for days and days, and I don't know where the end is, that it's hard to see clearly and not let depression have it's way with me.

So dear Lord, please have mercy on my very weary soul. I am poor and needy this night.
You tell us You "give power to the weak and to those who have no might You increase their strength. " Let it be with me, Father. Let it be.

1 comment:

  1. Hey girl,

    I am sitting here in a Mc D's cause they have free internet, we're in Weavervile NC, for now. And I'm sitting here crying. I am so sorry. I wish so much I could take away your pain, your sadness and I know I can't and I hate it. I will be lifting you in prayers and meditation. I have no words or advice, just an i love you.
    In other book news I am reading Eat, pary, love. It's interesting. The first part is great, Im just starting the second part.

    again. I love you. Keep writing. It's beautiful and it touches those deep places that most are afraid to go.