Sunday, January 17, 2010

Goals to have in mind

The thought of making any sort of New Years resolution has been laughable. That would mean I had a little bit of control over what happens this next year.
But today I saw something that made me think......
And I decided to make an itty-bitty promise to myself. Not a "resolution," which gives the impression that at the end of the year I've conquered something, but just a reminder, a hope:

To pray for my husband more

To pray for SaraRose more
To keep on reading the Bible

Those are the three things that regardless of anything else I am going thru, I don't want to put on the back burner.

I've always wanted to be a homemaker that diligently prays. Someone who goes about her housework lifting to the Lord each aspect of her husband's work and family life, and as she rocks her child to sleep, prays for all their little life will become. But since SaraRose was born---- YEA RIGHT! I've had to put so much effort into just keeping my head above water, that I pray for myself ALL THE TIME, but any prayers for my family have become sporadic at best.

And the reading the Bible thing.....sheesh. You KNOW I've been trying, people, but
I. am. struggling.
I find myself rolling my eyes at the thought almost every day. And I hate that! It is just weirdly difficult. I don't want to do it. I go to pick it up and my burden seems heavier. More like sand in my mouth than living water. Maybe I'm not doing the right thing by trying to read the Bible thru. Maybe I'm angry with God and am having a hard time really believing and holding on to anything there. Probably it's both and more. I don't know. All I know is that I could very easily see this slipping again.

So, there you have it. My three little wishes for myself in the New Year. I know I can't do it without the Lord's strength, so---

Have mercy on me, Lord. Help me to desire and even gain pleasure in following thru with these little goals. And Lord, it would be amazing if I even saw some answers. That would really do wonders for me.

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