I’ve found that even thru my toughest times He has always there, sustaining. And I'm not just talking about the touchy-feely comfort of His Holy Spirit. Many times, it's more than that. Many times, it's as practical as a real life person sent to help me carry the load. As I look back over my 32 years (going on 33, ahem!), two stories imparticular come to mind.
The first was during my first real job out of college. I worked for a very difficult person (and that's putting it nicely). To this day I can get all riled up talking about how I was mistreated and taken advantage of by my boss. And this was my first real job ever! (I told you to not get me started :)
It was a rough time, and I longed to be delivered.
But my husband was still in college so we *kinda* needed for me to have a job. I looked frantically for other openings, praying for an out. But over and over I kept hearing the same answer: “My grace is sufficient for you.” I ended up not getting a new job until Andrew graduated and we moved.
But here's the point...
In the day in and day out of that battle there was a kind, funny administrative assistant named Janie that was hired to work beside me. We became quick friends. She made me laugh. She believed in me. She had practical work smarts and helped me navigate decisions. She encouraged me when my boss threw me under the bus. I smile now just thinking of her, because she was such a God-send. A physical, flesh and bone sustainer when I really, really needed it. God didn’t deliver me from that experience, but thru her sweet smile and helpful hand, I was able to bare it.
Fast forward 5 years and here's the second story. This one's quite recent: It's well documented on this blog that I live in pain. Because of that, I don’t have the physical stamina to care for SaraRose all day by myself, and that's been really hard on this mama’s heart. For a long time my own mom was coming over all day, every day, to help me care for her, and that was a lot on both of us. After a while, Andrew’s parents offered to pay to put SaraRose in daycare to help provide everyone a little break. Now, I know daycare is a wonderful option for many, but I've had a life long dream of being a stay-at-home mom and the thought of giving that up just to lie in bed was a low blow to my already tender heart. I cried at the thought, and prayed desperately for something to GIVE already. But the prayers and days wore on and the healing didn’t come.
But here's the point...
During that time, God kept bringing to mind my friend Summer. Summer, a fellow stay-at-home mom who’d just recently moved down the road from me. Summer, who’s schedule was super flexible. Summer, who’s little boy, TK, is SaraRose’s exact same age and just happens to be her favorite playmate. Summer, who might welcome a bit of extra income.
It all fit. It fit too perfectly to just be coincidence.
She and TK started coming over two mornings a week.
...and It. Has. Been. Wonderful. It's the perfect reprieve I need to make it thru the rest of the day on my own. SaraRose has a blast and I love Summer's company. Her schedule works perfectly with my moms and with her here, I relax and feel more like a regular mama just sharing a playdate. And best of all, I've been able to keep that blessed stay-at-home mom status. It was not the deliverance I prayed for, but it has been just enough to help me bear the load (not to mention Summer and I've had the unexpected blessing of a very deep friendship growing between us.)
I’ll never understand the hand of God.I would love it if He'd just take me out of tough circumstances.
But I am learning to trust Him and to and see that even though it is hard, He has never left me alone.
And I'm eternally grateful for those,
the many,
He's used to sustain me when I needed it most.
Both Janie and Summer have been Jesus' hands and feet to me.
Who says you can't see the hand of God?
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